So many people couldn’t understand this. “But how can you forgive them?” “Why would you forgive them?” “How can you even return to this country that took your husband’s life?” Forgiveness seemed to be a very foreign concept to them. They were genuinely astonished and confused. Stephen’s death had a profound impact on these people—and our family’s display of forgiveness is still talked about to this day.
We were surprised to discover that there was a rumor circulating that Stephen had recited the Muslim testimony of faith to become a Muslim just before he was shot. My first reaction was disdain, but then I realized that this was how many of Stephen’s dearest Muslim friends were coping with his death. They wanted to think that Stephen had accepted what they believed to be the truth before he died. They could not bear the thought of Stephen going to hell. I was deeply touched. And on many occasions I took the opportunity to set the story straight and explain that to follow Jesus Christ—the only way to God—meant that Stephen never had a doubt that to be absent from the body was to be present with the Lord (2 Cor. 5:8).
Preparing to leave after our two-week visit was surreal. It didn’t feel right that we were only visiting—it still felt like our home. As the tears fell, I felt the Lord speak to my heart once again: “The work is not done. I will continue to use you to water the seed.” Pain and peace were in harmony. I will never understand how suffering and joy can coexist so beautifully.
I’ve often been asked. “How is it that it was your family who suffered most in this tragedy, yet you continue to come back?”
The answer is easy. “I don’t know the men who killed my husband,” I tell them, “but I know you, and I know the people of this beloved country. And I love you, and more importantly, I serve a God who loves you passionately.”
Yes, we will never get over the tragedy we faced. Stephen’s death has left a lasting void in our hearts. The loss of a loved one is like an amputation. You will heal and you will learn to function and move on, but you will always have that void. I have experienced pain, but I have experienced healing. I’ve observed this same gentle healing in my kid’s hearts. They miss their dad terribly, yet they are proud of him. They are proud to be his. Each of them has been through their own unique struggles in the healing process, but God has been faithful. We have experienced loss, but we are rich. As Jesus says in Mk. 10:29-30, “No one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the Gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.”
The truth is, there are terrorists in the world who happen to be of the Muslim faith. There are extremists who are trying to change our way of life. How should we as true followers of Christ respond? Is shutting them out the answer? Sometimes the pursuit of safety can be at odds with doing what is right. Is seeing God’s kingdom elevated above our own country worth the risk? I’m proud to be an American, but my loyalty lies first in my heavenly citizenship. When we died to ourselves, we died to anything that would stand in the way of our lives bringing honor to God among the nations.
As I ponder the struggle between faith and fear, I’m drawn back to a message that Stephen gave at a gathering in the U.S. only a few days before returning to North Africa and giving his life only months later:
When James Calvert went out as a missionary to the cannibals of the Fiji Islands, the ship captain tried to turn him back, saying, “You’ll lose your life and the lives of those with you if you go among those savages.” To that Calvert replied, “We died before we came here.” That’s my question for us again tonight. Are you dead yet? Dead to yourself, dead to your own desire, dead to fear? Are we alive in Christ? My desire is that when people see your life, when they see my life, they will see Christ, and Christ alone. Let us live our lives as if they weren’t our own lives. To truly be strangers in this world. To be aliens in the world. Our citizenship is in heaven.
Stephen lived those words, and died in those words—and lives in those words again. Although the loss of Stephen is one that will never leave us and has changed us completely, we hold on to the promise that God is glorified and that lives are being eternally changed because Stephen died before he stepped off that plane in the desert. And we have to continually answer the question that Stephen wrote shortly before his death: Do we have something worth dying for, living for, moving for?
To live without purpose is worse than dying.
Meditation: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” – 1 John 4:18
Also Read:
- Understanding God: He is Quick and Dispassionate
- Nehemiah’s Leadership Playbook: Zeal
- He Was God Backed
- Saved from Idol Worship and Death
- An Easter Reflection
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